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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Karma, Destiny, Fate, and Our Own Choices

Lately I've started noticing things slipping through the woodwork of life, little difficulties that appear, like icebergs on the horizon, hiding an enormous and deadly force underneath the surface.

It seems like there are many, many demons in our lives.  We do our best to face them sometimes, and yet, sometimes, we join forces with them to face other demons, demons that we see to be stronger impressions of evil than the ones we enlist to help us.  Sometimes, even, we recruit these demons to help us fight aspects of ourselves.

It's in this case, when the less-desireable part of ourselves is vanquished, that this demon has an intimate hold on a part of what makes us good.  Here we are forfeit.  This is where we can factor in karma, destiny, and fate.

Karma catches up with us, always.  Sometimes it's obvious and we anticipate it's reaction.  Sometimes it's sneaky and we may not even realize why it's here until we're knee deep in it all.  I think we need to accept that, as a matter of balance, we need to be good people and do good works.  I believe there's truth in that when one does good deeds, good deeds are done unto them, but I also think there are many levels of antithesis to this.  For example, when one does a good deed and a bad thing happens or vice versa, this is the karmic balance.  This is how things make us appreciate the good things or acknowledge that there will be bad things.  This is where destiny and fate come in.  They determine where the balance comes in and how it will effect our lives.

We have choices in every reaction to destiny and karma.  Sometimes we make the best decisions we can based on the information we have, but mostly, we skate by, doing what makes us happy or what we think will make us happy, not really considering the effect on the outside world.  We choose.  We survive.  We thrive.  We suffer.  Who are we?  Why do we do the things we do?  It's time to consider the larger whole, imagining that there's something much bigger than we understand.  It's our only chance at happiness, and that happiness, true happiness, may not come until after what we see is said and done.  It may not even be a happiness experienced by us.

Work hard and do the good things at all costs.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Philosophy / Some Hippie Reflection

I think it's been to long since I've written of anything of real substance, so I shall attempt to do so.

The past couple of days have been an incredible experience for me. I have meet so many people, and I have been amazed at how consistantly nice these people are. It's not just people at functions where we have things in common, it's people everywhere. It's the lady I met at the convention. It's the guy I bumped into at chipotle. It's the kid wandering around the store with a fascinated smile on his face, almost like the world is in slow motion to him, like every piece of fabric, every color, every shiny flake of brushed metal and polished tile of the floor has meaning.  I want that life.

I know that we, as humans, go through our ups and downs. When we are up, we are right on. It seems as though nothing can get us down. Sometimes, though, we get so up that we neglect the relationships that got us there in the first place, we set ourselves up to come back down. I know that, while this past weekend has been a truly amazing experience for me, (even if it was volunteering at a Star Trek convention), it put things into a weird perspective or two.

From the idea of ups and downs, we have the theme of balance, which we crave to be successful. We can't avoid or forget the things that make us who we are.

However, I think we all notice that when we are excited, when things are going well, we seem to have no problems. We can bump into the same issues we could have on any other day, and they would now seem inconsequential.  I don't feel as if this is overabundance of excitement is a bad thing, but I do feel like a recognition of the yang to this yin is essential in truly appreciating the highs of life.

•   •   •   •   •

It's late as I lay here in a very warm van in a Walmart parking lot. The breeze from outside softly envelopes me.  My mind is slowly absorbing the sounds of "We Vs. Death", the mellow guitar, the lazy and melancholy trumpet dancing together in my aural ballroom.

I feel content and vigor, yet the question in the back of my mind that's quietly and firmly asking "why?" is still there.

I wouldn't trade this life for the world. I love the simplicity of living in a van. I love the freedom I have. I charish the challenge it has provided for me. I wonder if it will be days, weeks, months, or years more before I "legitimize" myself again.

The breeze is picking up. The chill feels wonderful. I am home.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Star Fest 2009

My friend Joe and I go way back. He dressed up like a Star Wars character, and we painted the town red... or at least this small corner of our town.  The turnout for this convention of nerds and geeks and fantasy has been overwhelming and positive. I love being a nerd.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Data!

I saw Brent Spiner, the guy who played Data on Star Trek: The Next Generation. I'm spending the weekend at a Star Trek convention in Denver. So far, the result has been a hangover and bruises on my shins...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ice, Ice, Baby

Took this picture on I-70 just west of Denver. Had to go with the caption... but the van is killin it! Best snow van ever!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Beautiful Evening

Tonight, despite the heat, I did my best to enjoy the evening. I worked late today, and when I was done, I busted out the shorts and flippy floppies and relaxed for a while. I read some of "In The Throne Room of the Mountain Gods" and ate a salad. Sometimes, life is simple and beautiful.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Blurry Warmth

It's only the middle of April, but the temperatures feel very, very high. It's amazing that I'm finding myself to be more uncomfortable too warm than I ever was too cold. I can sleep too cold. Blankets and sleeping bags and clothes fix cold. The heat, though... there's only so much I can (legally) take off...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Night at the Fights

Last night, a good friend took me to a Mixed >artial Arts fight in Broomfield. I can understand how some people would consider this sport violent, but I think it's fascinating. It's like a very physical version of chess, with people implimenting strategies and counter-strategies. It's cool!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Hot Day!

It's April 8th in Colorado, and it feels like it's a million degrees outside. Incredible. It's night and day from this past weekend. Some friends and I made it up to Beaver Creek ski resort and caught 15 inches of freshie pow. Awesome riding, even at the price of 6 hours in the car and some wicked FaceBook pranks.

So it looks like summer is here, and I think with the summer being here, I'm going to look into doing some rafting this year. Super awesome.