Stay tuned (patiently) as we occasionally throw updates on here about what steps we're taking to get to our end goals, DIY tricks and life-hacks, child-rearing tactics (strategery), etc.

Monday, October 25, 2010

It's a wonderful, sunny, windy, fall afternoon in Denver.

Big Questions

Life's full of challenges, questions that rattle your own perception of yourself, your integrity.

Recently, I posted a blog and a reader posted a comment that asked me some hard questions. I would like to bear my soul, so to speak, on this computer and share some of the answers with you.

Where do I see myself? To be honest, to be fair, I see myself as stagnant, in need of a good adventure. I lived honestly in a van for over a year, climbed rocks in Utah, stayed at a beach cabin in Alaska, and now I watch television in an apartment in Denver. I am in need of some self-made opportunities, and I haven't given myself the chance to do that in the recent past, something I've really been struggling with.

Do I regret anything in my life? Who doesn't? I suppose we all have regrets, and I would be lying if I said I have none. Really looking into it, I have to consider the mistakes I've made, the opportunities I've missed, to be lessons learned. However, that's easier, at least for me, in theory, and more difficult in practice.

Do I ever want a family of my own someday? In a way, I already have. In a way, I have one now. In a way, I'd like to give it a shot in the future. Four years ago, I had a wife and a son, a son who passed away, taken by S.I.D.S. It was hard, and I went through years of soul-searching, a journey that led me to start this blog. Now, I find myself with the same woman, a different son from a different man, and it's a big, complicated, confusing time for me. I really enjoy my lot in life, and I do feel like I have a family, but in honesty, every once in a while, I feel like it's not mine, and I feel disconnected. Maybe one day, I'll either come to terms with what I am involved in completely, moreso than I have. But I must say that I am really content with who I'm sharing my life with, and I'm thrilled at the idea of raising a little one, a boy who I love and enjoy seeing smile.

Do I ever feel like I'm missing out on something? I have to concede that I have more lately than in the past. I really loathe watching television, and that seems to be all I have done lately. It's incredibly dull. Like I said earlier, I need an adventure.

Do I know what I'm searching for? Never. And I probably never will. All I know with certainty is that I must keep looking. The journey must never end.

Thanks to the Anonymous person for asking me. In a way, I hope you're inspiring me, whoever you are, to keep going.