This is our journey, grown from living in a van to life with my new family in Colorado...
Stay tuned (patiently) as we occasionally throw updates on here about what steps we're taking to get to our end goals, DIY tricks and life-hacks, child-rearing tactics (strategery), etc.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Life's full of challenges, questions that rattle your own perception of yourself, your integrity.
Recently, I posted a blog and a reader posted a comment that asked me some hard questions. I would like to bear my soul, so to speak, on this computer and share some of the answers with you.
Where do I see myself? To be honest, to be fair, I see myself as stagnant, in need of a good adventure. I lived honestly in a van for over a year, climbed rocks in Utah, stayed at a beach cabin in Alaska, and now I watch television in an apartment in Denver. I am in need of some self-made opportunities, and I haven't given myself the chance to do that in the recent past, something I've really been struggling with.
Do I regret anything in my life? Who doesn't? I suppose we all have regrets, and I would be lying if I said I have none. Really looking into it, I have to consider the mistakes I've made, the opportunities I've missed, to be lessons learned. However, that's easier, at least for me, in theory, and more difficult in practice.
Do I ever want a family of my own someday? In a way, I already have. In a way, I have one now. In a way, I'd like to give it a shot in the future. Four years ago, I had a wife and a son, a son who passed away, taken by S.I.D.S. It was hard, and I went through years of soul-searching, a journey that led me to start this blog. Now, I find myself with the same woman, a different son from a different man, and it's a big, complicated, confusing time for me. I really enjoy my lot in life, and I do feel like I have a family, but in honesty, every once in a while, I feel like it's not mine, and I feel disconnected. Maybe one day, I'll either come to terms with what I am involved in completely, moreso than I have. But I must say that I am really content with who I'm sharing my life with, and I'm thrilled at the idea of raising a little one, a boy who I love and enjoy seeing smile.
Do I ever feel like I'm missing out on something? I have to concede that I have more lately than in the past. I really loathe watching television, and that seems to be all I have done lately. It's incredibly dull. Like I said earlier, I need an adventure.
Do I know what I'm searching for? Never. And I probably never will. All I know with certainty is that I must keep looking. The journey must never end.
Thanks to the Anonymous person for asking me. In a way, I hope you're inspiring me, whoever you are, to keep going.