Useless Update

More money, more problems. But good problems?

Sigh...

It's been chaos, but better. I quit the restaurant and am hoping to be driving any day now for UPS. IM Everyone says it's a great gig if I can get there. Still waiting.

Progress

Lately, things have been steering towards a better direction. It's still hard, but the view looks nice where we're going for a change. New cars, new jobs, family connections trickling in. It's something, for sure.

New Beginnings

I quit my job of 4½ years yesterday, and I didn't realize how bad it was. I feel happier than I have in weeks. The pending sense of doom is lifting. I should be driving at UPS within a month! Here's to the next step! Holy wah.

Yay

I replaced the battery on the OGBW. It started and ran, and I moved it. It has no brake lights or turn signals though. Ugh.

Bullshit

Crazy bullshit, this life is. Last year, we were beginning to make plans to get into a camper, saving up some money to commit to a plan of action that would allow us to crush saving up for a house. Fast forward to now, and the camper has allowed us the freedom of not living in my parents basement (again). I've been beaten down, lied to, gaslit, betrayed, made empty promises. I spent four years with a company that forgot I existed. I went from five shifts a week, three managing, down to one shift a week as a cook. People with less seniority than me, people that have been fired, in fact, are working more shifts than me. This is why men kill themselves. Not everyone has this much resilience. I mean, losing everything I own, losing a son, losing another son for a year, moving, across the county, across town... It's almost too much.

When It Rains...

In the Star Wars universe, the Gray Jedi have a code. One of the lines is "knowledge fades without the strength to act". I've spent the last few months in a fog. Things have been so terribly difficult, financially, logistically, practically... God only knows how we survived. But we have survived. We've done pretty well. This rivals the Montana times in my epic saga, but I have to believe good things are on the horizon. Even if Star Trek turns out to be prophecy (look up the Bell Riots) and there's a third world war or a second civil war, I'm hopeful that my kids will survive and make babies of their own that explore space and rebuild humanity with kindness and compassion.

Cozy

On this particularly chilly morning (15°F), snow shrouds Mount Shavano and fog hides her face.

Once we got dialed in, the camper experience hasn't been too bad. The skirting and heat have saved us, and made this a cozy winter. I'm thankful.

Grief

The more things change, the more they stay the same. I keep thinking I've found a good gig and a home, and the rug keeps being pulled out from underneath me. I'm hoping that, in this just recent instance, there will be salvation for us all, because we all deserve good things for the work we've done, no matter where it's been or how we got to where we are.

Hungry

I'm hungry. The last few weeks haven't been great for my checkbook. I don't know how we survived on my income from before. It's been tight, and we are still drastically under budget, groceries-wise. Then again, I'm hungry. I'm really hungry. So there's that.

Struggle

The last four days have been... interesting.

My aunt and sole survivor on my dad's side older than him, died on Saturday. No kids, just shirttail relatives, which means responsibility fell on my dad to take care of things. My bro and I took four days and helped him out. The first and last day was the journey: twelve hours to Green Valley, Arizona and back. My brother and each throwing about half the drive time behind the wheel. Dad didn't touch the steering wheel.

The second day was hard, going to my aunt's home, seeing her room, where she died, who was around, all that shit. We went through and gathered what we needed/wanted and then went to the funeral home to figure out paperwork and whatnot. We had to scramble to find appropriate documents, but then we got everything plugged in and processed as much as we could.

The third day was just tying up loose ends, and relaxing before the drive home.

We, my dad and my brother, had a bittersweet time.

Chess

This is probably the best analogy for life in a playable, shorter form. I try to make it a point to play chess with my daughter regularly. Sometimes we get busy and we don't get time. But I'm always impressed when she plays. Every time, she's better than she was the time before. It's been exciting to watch. I still beat her every time, but I have to pay a lot more attention than I did.