Even getting through the first step and admitting that there are things in my life that I can't help, whether they be external or internal, is turning out to be a very daunting task. I can't blame it on anything, but it helps to know that the blame can't include me. I don't know if that's true all the time, and there are times when I want to punish myself for my own transgressions. It's intimidating, but I can't give up, and I can't hold it against friends and family members who are hurt by me.
I sit here writing this, listening to "Explosions in the Sky", I feel much more introspective than normal, almost fearing what is to be found inside my head. But I must keep going. I must not quit.