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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Morning Has Broken

This morning I was listening to the radio and looking out my kitchen window. I was thinking of that classic song by Cat Stevens, "Morning Has Broken". He says "Morning has broken, like the first morning, Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird." I woke up this morning feeling like it was the first morning, like life had started new and fresh. While this would normally make me optimistic, today it's different. Today it makes me feel humble, as if to outline all of the work that's cut out for me. I have a lot of things that I need to accomplish, not pipe dreams or things on my bucket list, but actual goals to help restore my mental and spiritual health. It's almost daunting to realize and admit that I have some severe issues I'm dealing with, but if there's any one thing I need to stick to, it's that I can't lose faith that I'll be able to succeed.

Even getting through the first step and admitting that there are things in my life that I can't help, whether they be external or internal, is turning out to be a very daunting task. I can't blame it on anything, but it helps to know that the blame can't include me. I don't know if that's true all the time, and there are times when I want to punish myself for my own transgressions. It's intimidating, but I can't give up, and I can't hold it against friends and family members who are hurt by me.

I sit here writing this, listening to "Explosions in the Sky", I feel much more introspective than normal, almost fearing what is to be found inside my head. But I must keep going. I must not quit.
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