I think it's been to long since I've written of anything of real substance, so I shall attempt to do so.
The past couple of days have been an incredible experience for me. I have meet so many people, and I have been amazed at how consistantly nice these people are. It's not just people at functions where we have things in common, it's people everywhere. It's the lady I met at the convention. It's the guy I bumped into at chipotle. It's the kid wandering around the store with a fascinated smile on his face, almost like the world is in slow motion to him, like every piece of fabric, every color, every shiny flake of brushed metal and polished tile of the floor has meaning. I want that life.
I know that we, as humans, go through our ups and downs. When we are up, we are right on. It seems as though nothing can get us down. Sometimes, though, we get so up that we neglect the relationships that got us there in the first place, we set ourselves up to come back down. I know that, while this past weekend has been a truly amazing experience for me, (even if it was volunteering at a Star Trek convention), it put things into a weird perspective or two.
From the idea of ups and downs, we have the theme of balance, which we crave to be successful. We can't avoid or forget the things that make us who we are.
However, I think we all notice that when we are excited, when things are going well, we seem to have no problems. We can bump into the same issues we could have on any other day, and they would now seem inconsequential. I don't feel as if this is overabundance of excitement is a bad thing, but I do feel like a recognition of the yang to this yin is essential in truly appreciating the highs of life.
• • • • •
It's late as I lay here in a very warm van in a Walmart parking lot. The breeze from outside softly envelopes me. My mind is slowly absorbing the sounds of "We Vs. Death", the mellow guitar, the lazy and melancholy trumpet dancing together in my aural ballroom.
I feel content and vigor, yet the question in the back of my mind that's quietly and firmly asking "why?" is still there.
I wouldn't trade this life for the world. I love the simplicity of living in a van. I love the freedom I have. I charish the challenge it has provided for me. I wonder if it will be days, weeks, months, or years more before I "legitimize" myself again.
The breeze is picking up. The chill feels wonderful. I am home.