Faith

I've often wondered how people can believe something is true when there's no proof, no evidence, and no tangible backing of an idea that God exists. I know I've never encountered God.

Yet, even I, the skeptic and doubter, believes in the existence of something more than what we are capable of understanding. I don't know what it is, and i loathe myself for rejecting the logic of the scientific process in this matter.

I don't agree with any religion's view or definition of what God is. I have yet to see or hear any solid arguments in favor of the existence of a God. The closest I've come to completely buying it is reading a book about dealing with grief which suggests that God exists but is less powerful than nature. I do agree with this idea.

Long story short, i want to believe something with pomp, circumstance, and togetherness with others who believe the same. I'm continually disappointed by the political structures associated with potentially incredible faiths. Everything from the Westboro Baptists to the Roman Catholic Church to Unitarian Universalism seem to have problems with abuse of power in some capacity, to whether outwardly or inwardly, and a home for simple folk like myself seems to exist only in the custody of the wealthy shepherds tending their flocks.

Regardless of the lack of solid options, i continue, within whatever belief structure I've concocted for myself, to hold out hope that i may eventually find some answers.

Love Everlasting

I was asked recently how long Cat and I have been together and how we make it work so well. I have thoughts, and people aren't going to agree, but here goes: I wasn't looking for a partner. I was focusing on doing what I needed to do for myself do be happy. I met Cat while I was doing those things, which means we had those things in common. I had no expectations. I wasn't planning to marry her or have kids with her. It was enough for me that she was and is still around. That's more than enough. If you are looking for "a partner", whoever you find is going to be a disappointment. If you're looking for somebody, you're not interested in anyone specifically, just a warm body to fill the void. If you go through that rigumroll, then that addage "relationships take work" becomes true. You're fundamentally changing your lives to accommodate each other, which, yes, is really hard. It's also unfair. You're left a shell of who you were, codependent on your partner who you've sacrificed so much for, and vice versa. OR... you could just spend your life focusing on happiness and sharing it with your best friend. I'm lucky I wound up discovering the latter for myself. I don't even know if Cat agrees with any of this, but it's been my philosophy, and two kids, ten years, three states, and maybe a couple of fights later, she's still my best friend, and she's the least stressful thing in my life. I love her as much now as I ever did. Relationships aren't work, people. That's too complex. Relationships are as simple as sharing your joys and sorrows with someone. Stay happy, stay busy, and keep your eyes open and your head up. Chances are, your "soul mate" has already been in your life for a minute.

The Order

In most Amish (Anabaptist) culture, apparently they have a set of rules they follow from youth called "Ein Ordnung", which translates from German to "an order". It's the unwritten code each congregation has to follow unwaveringly. Their commitment to community, shunning technology, living simply, making clothes, growing beards, and having babies, all are memorized and passed down verbally in the Ordnung. No written blueprints.

Oral tradition is an incredibly difficult thing to translate into text, and so many cultures, globally, depend on it. Do your part to listen and retain as much as possible. Even if it's not your culture, you're human, and have an obligation to protect it.

What is grief, if not love persevering?

Today, I've been on a productive tear. I've had my list, and I've been destroying it. I usually try to get into the 70s or 80s on my list game. Today, before work, I'm already at 62. Laundry is folded. Dishes are done. Kids bathroom is clean.

I've been doing it all for a distraction.

The hardships of life have been overwhelming lately. I'm sure it's not just me, but I've been grieving the loss of a comfortable life. But that grief has to be translated into love somehow? Motivation? Energy to persevere?

Or just a distraction.

Little Rick Steves

I picked the oldest up from the last leg of a quick tour of DC and NYC. He did incredibly. I'm so proud.

Things Never Get Easier

They don't get easier, but we do gain wisdom through experience to apply to said things.

Yesterday, we had to put our family Cat down. Bizkit was a stray, and we had her for about the last year of her life. She succumbed to lymphoma on June 1.

This was my kids' first taste of this kind of grief, and that is the greatest gift from all of this. Losing a pet is kind of like getting an immunization against losing a family member. You'll still get the grief, but you have a little experience, you've grown a little. It doesn't get easier, but you get more tools every time.

Productivity

In the past 24 hours, I've fixed my dishwasher, swamp cooler, and dryer. Today, I'm reaping the benefits of that work, and getting caught up on laundry, and using the time saved on dishes to get other things down around the house. I managed to rake up the entire back yard and balance the checkbook, which hasn't been done in three days. Work in progress, I suppose. Just keep moving forward.