It's been a very challenging week or so for me. It's been a difficult time that put a few things into perspective yet exploded other things so far out of perspective that I can't help but simply have faith that I may start to get it... someday.

Take death, for example. So many of us have such a difficult time when we lose someone close to us. Some of us even crumble when we lose our childhood pet. After surviving the initial shock, we move on into a stage where we wonder how we will ever get by without the person we lost.

Up until recently, I was under the impression that I had moved through this stage rather quickly. I thought I believed that I was ready to celebrate, not remembering what I had lost, but instead chosing to focus on what they had achieved and where they are now. I veiled my own sadness in blankets of joy, failing to acknowledge that the pain was hidden underneath the whole time.

Now that some time has passed and I have grown and learned some hard lessons (lessons that I taught myself through the cunning use of mistakes), I've discovered that there are very hard parts of our lives that we can't simply lie to ourselves (or others) about, covering the pain within ourselves with falsehood. I've started to discover the joy of pain, rather, the relief and growth that can be found in acknowledging and sharing the things in life that we somehow con ourselves into thinking we need to wrap in some sort of escape and toss over the side of the mighty ships of our own souls.

I challenge those who read my blog to grow as much as possible.  Feed your soul by doing things like reading books and magazines and newspapers and talking to friends and strangers and loved ones and everyone else.

Don't fear.  Nourish the saplings in that they will grow to be among tallest trees in the forests of our souls.

Russ for President, 2020

I know this probably isn't the best idea for me, personally, but I feel like I have something to contribute. After reading Friday's Denver Post and seeing the bickering, the arguing, the shady deals, the behind-closed-doors antics, the public displays of power and conflict, and after electing the symbol of HOPE I feel we all wished would bring the change we so desired.... after all of this, I'm deciding, not only to support Todd O'Brien in 2012 (obrienforamerica2012.com), but I hope to launch my own campaign in the coming months. My platform will not be based solely on my own thoughts and opinions. I desire to create a website where people can securely log in and vote and tell me which way to vote on whatever issue is in question. I desire to have a camera crew follow me around and post every second of my life on my website to show the people that I will not be making closed door deals or having secret rendezvous with anyone out of the ordinary, both during my term and in my campaign. I will not accept campaign contributions or accept gifts from the ceo's of failing and corrupt corporations. I fight for those who have earned their lot in life or worked hard and have unfairly been robbed. My platform is serving the people, serving my country. My cabinet will consist of friends, not people with the sort of "experience" that Washington "requires". And, when all the dust settles, I will drive my then-26-year-old BattleWagon right down Pennsylvania Avenue, a symbol to all that even a broke and dirty hippie who reads the news and digs to find out what's REALLY going on, can become president of these United States.

My tirade, brought to you by the shady dealers in Washington, stealing your freedom more and more every year! Get your lapel pin now! Supplies are limited. Made in China.

Retrospective Look at Clarksville

While on my road trip last week with Monkey, he snapped this morning picture before we set off for home. We stayed the previous night in Clarksville, which was beautiful, although it wasn't Chattanooga.

Digressing into current events, the time has fallen back to standard time, and it's nearly dark now, just after 5 pm, here in the Centennial State. The sky is overcast, and it's bitter outside. My mood seems to reflect what's going on outside. This time of year always seems to remind me what I've lost, what I've thrown away. There's a song by Incubus called "11am", and it opens with the lyrics: "7 am. The garbage truck beeps as it backs up, and I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away. Can I push rewind? Are the credits rolling signifying the end? Did I miss the best part? Can we please go back to start? Forgive my indecision..." I love that song. In a very general way, it seems to correlate with my mood when I'm down and morose, and finally appropriately connected with the not-so-joyous memories of my life.

There are times when I am happy where I long for the balance of feeling not so great, where I am frustrated that I can't seem to be immersed in emotions I feel should be tied to memories. When these times finally arrive, it's bitter, yet also sweet in that it gives me hope and faith that I am whole and not fractured.

Random Musings on Society

I've been reading a lot of news lately, news about health care reform and balloon boys, wars and potential troop deployments, mid-air collisions and innocent, young ladies being traumatized after their high school homecomings. My friends and family are drinking, celebrating, mourning the deployment of their husbands, laughing and crying together, laughing and crying alone.

I think about the things I learned in history class and things I've researched on my own, talking about how we were as a society and culture and as a nation. We used to have block parties and talk to our neighbors. We used to let our kids vanish for hours at a time, to where, God knows, only having faith that they would be home for dinner. We used to care about things that meant something and dismissed trivial things as they are, in fact, trivial.

Now we've shifted. We don't let our kids leave the house. Some of us do, and are branded "bad parents". We don't know our neighbors, and we don't know what's really going on in the news. We do know that Eastasia is at war with Oceania... or, wait... that we are at war with the Taliban and terrorism as a whole. We're at war with an idea. What happened to the guy who sued God in Nebreska? He's crazy! But we're at war with terrorism, and that's accepted. Grab your duct tape and plastic wrap.

I don't have time to mold this into anything cohenent and constructive, so I leave you with this: get involved and care about what you get involved in. Enrich your life and grow with those around you. Love deeply, despire the potential consequences.

Sunset in Tennessee

Yesterday Monkey and I drove from Voldosta Georgiae  to Clarksville Tennessee. We drove through Chatanooga mid-afternoon, and I have to confess that Chatanooga was one of the most beautiful cities I've ever driven through. There were gently rolling hills all around, and trees so densely packed. The river gently wound its way through town.  It was just awesome. If I were to move to the south, Chatanooga would be the place. Wow.

We drove through Nashville and wound up staying in Clarksville. We went to a local watering hole called "The Lodge". You can still smoke inside there! That's crazy! After a few beers, we hit the sack in preparation for our day's goal of St. Louis by lunch and maybe Kansas by sunset.

The Dense Trees of Georgia

Never have I seen forests this thick in my life. We drive for hours, and there are just trees, thick and green on all sides of us. It's no wonder people would run off into the forests and make moonshine stills. It would seem like it would be easy her.

At the same time, it would be a little scary. It makes me feel isolated and scared.

What an adventure so far! Throw in Steak & Shake and Krystal... grub! I can't wait for Imo's pizza and White Castle!!

The U-Haul Chronicles, Volume I

I'm on a Boeing 757 right now, bound for Orlando, Florida, with my good buddy Monkey.  In this cramped and stale space, with a kid behind me kicking my seat, and a weird gentleman next to me who is a little too sweaty for spurring a conversation with, I sit here for three hours wondering if it'll ever be possible to drive the BattleWagon to Florida. It's probably as likely as me writing a short sentence sometime.

The sunrise in Denver was beautiful this morning. I had stopped at the grocery store on my way to Monkey's. I burned down a quick smoke, the last one for a few days in respect of Monkey's strict non-smoking policy. I grabbed some airport-friendly toiletries and a yogurt smoothie, and got to Monkey's with three hours to spare.  We chatted briefly, and I played with his dogs.

We got to the airport in Denver with plenty of time to spare, on a United Airlines plane full of families on their way to worship the capitalist corruptors at Disney and Universal Studios.

Wow, I just looked out the window. I'm flying over the Gulf of Mexico right now. Incredible!

Our mission will take us back accross the States over the next three days, from Orlando to Saint Louis and then onto Denver, with any luck, but Tuesday evening.  More as it comes...